Brownie, even saying his name brings a smile on my face. My companion, my life, my soulmate, my baby for 15 years. I still remember it was 2001, when we got him home. He was so small but so active. All he wanted was love, he loved each one of us unconditionally. He was not our pet, he was our family. These 15 years of my life, I didn’t need a friend because I had him. I could cry in front of him and all he did was made me stronger.
I remember buddy died on 3rd November, 2011. She died in my arms. I was back from my school, and she was standing outside with watery eyes and I saw her and I knew something was wrong. It just didn’t feel right. My brother and I took her to the doctor. My brother went to bring the medicines and she died in my arms. I wanted to save her but I couldn’t. With all the grieving, I also felt like we didn’t give buddy all the love we could give her. We live in a compound with other houses so there are a lot of people who are afraid of dogs . We had to keep buddy and brownie in their home all day and during night they were free to roam around which I felt wasn’t fair to them.
After buddy, brownie sort of gave up so we took it upon ourselves to ensure that he does not get lonely. We decided to let him be free throughout the day as well and decided we will give him all the love that we couldn’t earlier. Those 5 years, we pampered him like our own kid and he gave us all the love we needed. He changed his timings, he slept with us and woke up with us. He was definitely the most beautiful dog and the most loving. With his death, it seemed like the purpose of my life was lost. I remember how he welcomed me when I came home and how he never allowed me to go to university in the morning by standing in front of the door, waving his tail. And now my door is empty, there is no one to welcome me. There is no one to cry with me and listen to all my stories for hours and hours. They say he is in a better place, I don’t know if that better place exists or not, but I hope he is happy, and wherever he is, he can see how much we loved him and how much we miss him. I hope he can see how tears fall from my eyes when I think about him and I hope I can meet him again in a place where there is no death and we can be together. I took the most difficult decision of giving him the injection so he could die peacefully. I remember how selfish I wanted to be at that time but I just couldn’t see him in pain. He never kept me in pain so how could I keep him in all this pain? So I let him go, but he never went. Every day, I still wait for him at the gate when I am leaving in the morning. Every day, I still hope someone comes with his tongue out to welcome me. I still hope someone waves his tail and is there to protect me from everything.
I didn’t lose a pet, I lost a family member and my best friend. No one can recover that loss. My baby, my life, you will stay in my heart forever. I don’t know if there is heaven or not, but my heaven will always be with you.
Adventures of the crazy heart 
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